Real Talk- Realtor to Realtor : Your Biggest Ally, Not Foe
Congrats! You’re a real estate agent. You’ve got your leads figured out, you have clients who trust you, and you’re well on your way to making deals happen. But there’s a snag—somewhere along the line, you’ve convinced yourself that the agent on the other side of the deal is your adversary. You take a defensive posture, treating it like you against them in a heated battle. Wrong!
The biggest lesson I’ve learned in my decades-long journey in real estate sales is this: your greatest asset and your biggest challenge is the agent on the other side of the deal. Time and again, I’ve seen difficult deals come together in the best interests of both clients due to strong relationships and collaboration between agents. On the flip side, I’ve witnessed simple deals go absolutely nowhere because one side adopted a combative, defensive “win-at-all-costs” mentality. It’s ironic because 90% of the time, the clients of this type of agent are reasonable, open, and ready to negotiate. But somewhere along the way, the agent has twisted the idea of collaboration into a gladiator-style contest, turning what should’ve been a straightforward deal into a battle, derailing it before it even got started.
The Power of Collaboration
At its core, real estate is about helping people buy and sell properties, but it’s also about relationships. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the other agent is a roadblock, an obstacle between you and your commission. But the truth is, the agent across the table is often just as motivated as you are to close the deal. They have a client to advocate for, just like you. The problem isn’t the other agent—it’s the mindset we carry into the transaction.
A real estate transaction, at its best, is a collaborative effort. The term “broker” is right there in your job title: your role is to broker a deal. You’re not supposed to be engaged in a fight for victory. Instead, you’re there to facilitate, to find a pathway where both your client and the other party’s client can reach a mutually beneficial outcome. In my experience, when both agents approach the deal with a mindset of cooperation, the result is a smooth, successful transaction for everyone involved.
Reframing the Mindset: You’re Not Enemies
It’s easy to see the opposing agent as an enemy—especially when emotions are running high, the stakes are significant, and there’s a lot of money on the table. But when you treat the other agent as an adversary, you miss out on the opportunity to work together to solve problems creatively. Instead of being a roadblock, they can become an ally, someone who helps you navigate the hurdles and smooth the bumps.
Let’s be honest: real estate transactions can get complicated. Issues like inspections, appraisals, financing, and timelines can be sources of stress for both parties. But rather than viewing these challenges as battles to be won, try thinking of them as problems to be solved together. When you collaborate, you can find solutions faster and more efficiently than if you’re constantly trying to one-up each other.
In my career, I’ve had deals where the client’s interests seemed to be at odds with one another—problems that seemed insurmountable at first. But when I approached the other agent with openness and a problem-solving mindset, we worked together to come up with solutions that worked for both sides. These deals often became the ones I was most proud of deals that were not just about closing a sale but about helping people achieve their goals.
Why the “Win-at-All-Costs” Mentality Doesn’t Work
If I could offer one piece of advice to new agents, it would be this: don’t approach your deals as battles. Far too many agents approach negotiations with a win-at-all-costs mentality. They see every concession as a defeat, every compromise as a failure. The problem is, this mindset doesn’t serve anyone, least of all your clients. When you’re focused on winning, you’re not focused on finding a way to get the deal done.
In fact, the win-at-all-costs mentality often ends up hurting your client more than helping them. Think about it: if you’re so determined to win, you might push for terms that are unrealistic, demanding conditions that are ultimately harmful to your client’s interests in the long run. You might stall the process by refusing to negotiate on important issues, thus jeopardizing the deal entirely.
Conversely, when you take a more collaborative approach—one in which you’re focused on finding a mutually beneficial solution—you open the door to creative problem-solving. You might find that by making one small concession, you can avoid a larger issue down the line. Or, you might discover that by working with the other agent to solve a problem, you’re both able to reach a solution that benefits both sets of clients. The end result is a deal that’s fair, realistic, and sustainable.
The Power of Communication
One of the most powerful tools in real estate is communication. But communication isn’t just about talking—it’s about listening, too. Often, agents assume that the other party is difficult, unreasonable, or unwilling to negotiate. And sometimes, that’s true. But just as often, these assumptions are based on miscommunication or misunderstandings.
By building rapport and establishing clear communication early on, you set the stage for a smoother process. If there’s an issue, talk through it. If there’s something your client isn’t happy with, share it with the other agent. Be transparent about the challenges you’re facing. When both sides feel heard and understood, there’s a much better chance of reaching a resolution that satisfies everyone.
I’ve found that the more open and communicative you are, the more likely it is that you’ll be able to resolve any issues that arise. It’s when agents become closed off, defensive, or passive-aggressive that problems start to snowball. So, make an effort to engage with the other agent honestly and respectfully. This not only helps you find solutions but can also lay the foundation for a professional relationship that extends beyond the current deal.
Find Common Ground, Not Points of Conflict
When you approach the deal with an eye for collaboration, you begin to look for common ground. Both you and the other agent want the deal to close—after all, you’re both working toward the same end goal: selling the property. So why not focus on finding ways to make that happen?
The key to successful negotiations is being strategic. It’s about identifying what’s truly important to your client and finding a way to make those things happen. But being strategic doesn’t mean being rigid. It doesn’t mean holding all your cards so tightly that you’re unwilling to budge. Sometimes, you have to be willing to let go of minor things in order to achieve the bigger picture.
For example, if you’re the buyer’s agent and the seller is hesitant to lower their price, it might help to suggest other ways to make the deal work. Perhaps they can offer a seller’s concession to help cover closing costs, or you can negotiate for a quicker closing to meet the seller’s timeline. These are just a few examples of creative solutions that don’t involve a simple price reduction but can make the deal work for everyone.
The Long-Term Benefits of Collaboration
In real estate, as in any business, relationships matter. Every transaction you engage in is an opportunity to build connections—not just with your clients, but with other agents, too. By treating the agent on the other side of the deal as a collaborator rather than an opponent, you create a foundation of mutual respect and trust. This isn’t just beneficial for the current deal—it can also lead to future business opportunities.
The real estate world is small, and the agents you work with today may be the same ones you’ll work with in the future. By establishing a reputation as someone who is professional, easy to work with, and focused on getting the deal done, you’ll open doors to future collaborations. It’s much easier to work with someone who’s cooperative and transparent than someone who’s constantly looking for a fight.
Final Thoughts: Shift Your Perspective
If you want to be successful in real estate, it’s time to change your perspective. The agent on the other side of the deal is not your enemy—they are your ally. You both have the same goal: to get the property sold. When you approach the transaction as a collaboration, both you and the other agent can bring your expertise to the table to solve problems, negotiate terms, and create a deal that works for everyone.
So, the next time you find yourself facing off with another agent, remember: you’re on the same team. Instead of treating the transaction like a battle, view it as an opportunity for cooperation. In the end, both of you will be better for it, and most importantly, your clients will be, too. After all, the end goal is simple: get the property sold. And when both sides work together, everyone wins.